Repetition is the mindless madness of one who keeps clicking on that damn replay button. I feel trapped on that loop, a sort of sticky cycle that never ends, I can't keep my thoughts together long enough to comprehend the world around me. The fragments of debris which do find its way into my mind cause way too much clutter, just too much confusion. I am being overwhelmed with many thoughts and yet I am thoughtless, empty, I just cannot grasp a single coherent idea. I'll laugh without a joke in mind, cannot help but laugh when my mind is slipping away, it sort of tickles.
Could you imagine a mind free of rules, free of fear, from from the concept of questioning everything you come across. That is me of course, constantly in thought with myself, ever wondering, considering all the possibilities with of course pro's, con's and everything else in-between. It's like visiting an auditorium where thousands of people are with their friends speaking simultaneously, its all just static noise, a conversation drowning within another and you know it should make some sense, but it doesn't, some words trickle in, but a full complete thought, conversation, it never makes it through.
Is it possible to simplify the world around you? A sort of experiment on my end. Try living with only your five senses; keep the passive judgement to a minimal. Do not think anymore of what you feel if it is hot or cold and to any of these extremes, just know that is all it is hot or cold, no further thought needed here. Do it with smell, touch and taste, the most difficult do it with sound. And I promise, if you can reach such a state of simplicity, you will feel something. You will feel uneasy, a bit of fear with a calming peace. The strangest thing yes, because in this state of being, I am not myself, in fact, I am a mindless nothing. If I had to pick between two extremes, I feel stressed saying it but, I rather get lost in madness with my cluttered thoughts, than to have found peace and a calm if I had gone numb all over both in mind and feeling.